Why I believe they should either be taxed more, or engage much more in CSR, if they intend to profit off this season of the Bachelor.


Dear Network 10 management,


On episode 10 of the Bachelor, I watched as Richie and Alex had a single date based around the idea of ‘chocolate’. Now, for once, I shan’t make it a priority to critique the date or the women or the outfits as per usual. Today, my issue is that of the abuse of chocolate propagated by this bachelor Richie Strahan, by the ditz of a date of his, Alex, and by the colossally lousy asshats producing this show.


Why am I calling them lousy asshats today? Because they let this pair of morons waste hundreds of millilitres of chocolate on ‘cutesiness’ and a chocolate bath.

A chocolate bath.




I don’t normally find myself agreeing with communists about ‘bourgeois wastes of money’ and just how little we value things in our lives these days, but these nitwits filled a goddamned golden bath with chocolate after driving around in a bloody Ferrari – breaking dozens of road rules along the way, by the sound of it. (Why do I say sound rather than sight? Because the noise was like those Mitsubishi cars clearly designed for hooning that seem to have twelve exhaust pipes attached to the back).


In any case, the point I want to make is that they wasted so much bloody chocolate. So much of a precious and delicious substance that many of us consider a gift from the good people of Lindt (and whoever else some strange people insist on eating), which could have been put to a much better use than it was.


What do I mean by that? Well, for one, if we have an excess of chocolate, as a society we should be looking into sending that to children and adults in this country who can scarcely afford it. And if somehow that isn’t an issue here (something I refuse to believe given how much our homeless rates are rising), if somehow a better use of that chocolate wouldn’t have been giving it to the good people at Salvos or Vinnies, then we could send it to offshore processing. Or add it into our international aid portion. Literally anything that didn’t make me feel like I was sanctioning this abuse of a delicious resource that should not simply be abused so Alex can try to act sluttier than usual in a chocolate bath!


Why am I quite this furious about chocolate being used specifically? Because it’s a precious resource and we still don’t know if the cocoa used in most of the world’s chocolate is sourced from a fair trade plantation. And rolling around in a product that an eight year old African child probably worked a 12 hour shift to make and still earn less than the American minimum wage feels like a complete condemnation of our society.


So channel 10, for the next season of the Bachelor, I sincerely hope you lot take into account that you are incredibly privileged. That, even when you’re creating a reality show that is designed to bolster ratings, you can choose a better road. Such as any road that wouldn’t make the archest of capitalists think you’ve gone too far.


For the love of those who love chocolate, don’t waste it.


Yours sincerely,

A Lindt loving woman who was raised to believe you don’t waste things other people could want, use, and enjoy for no better reason than ‘you could’.