BROKEN NEWS: Australian Greens Establish “Ethnic Cleansing” Program For Immigrants

Feature

The Greens have been showered with both praise and criticism over their new campaign to help indigenous and migrant communities in low socioeconomic areas. The Greens’ Ethnic Cleansing program is set to bring hundreds of portable shower stations to thousands of immigrants around Australia.  Broken News reached out to the Greens for comment, and secured an interview with staffer David Davidson.


BN Correspondent: So what led the Greens to take up this initiative?

DAVID DAVIDSON: Well throughout history, our party has stood up as a proud supporter of migrant communities and we categorically reject the stereotype that all immigrants are dirty, Furthermore, many indigenous communities don’t have good access to good hygiene facilities, and we feel that this program will be a good ad hoc solution for now.

BN: Does this program also have anything to do with breaking the stereotype of the Greens being dirty hippies?

DD: No comment.

BN: And in terms of the name “The Greens Ethnic Cleansing Program”, what made your party select this name in particular?

DD: Well for us, it just made the most sense. We are the Greens, and we are servicing ethnic minorities by cleansing them.

BN: …And you don’t see a problem with this name at all?

DD: No, why would I? It makes perfect sense, even our slogan is has a good ring to it: “No more dirty ethnics”


One Nation praised the Greens on social media upon hearing about the program, before promptly withdrawing all posts when they had actually read what the program was about.

In response to this program, One Nation have launched their own campaign to help secure the ethnic vote, a new demographic for the party.  According to their official statement, wardrobe vans will be sent to hundreds of suburbs, featuring ‘donated clothes and job advice pamphlets that migrants may rent in order to aid in stealing our jobs’.  

One Nation have selected the slogan “Stealing in Style: Just because the UN says you’re seeking asylum, doesn’t mean your style has to say it” to accompany the campaign, and it hopes that through this program they will be able to shed the public’s abrasive perception of their views towards immigrants.

—-

UPDATE:

At the time of publishing, the Greens have officially withdrawn their campaign, citing environmental concerns  over the program’s estimated consumption of water (per litre).  Our confidential sources confirmed their primary concern would be in losing their broader base over their alleged re-prioritisation of immigration over environmental concerns.

One Nation have followed suit, after losing vast numbers of supporters for being too friendly to immigrants.

Kevin Long

Comments

comments