Monash Agrees to 20% Government Budget Cut in Exchange For Rare Pokémon Cards


Plans for a 20% budget cut to universities have been a cause for a lot of controversy since the news leaked. Students especially have been vocal about the financial infringements on their education. However, it was recently leaked on social media that the deal was sweetened by the inclusion of rare trading cards from the popular anime series “Pokémon”.


“Look, it wasn’t a hard decision to make. Do you know how much these cards could hypothetically make in the trading card market?” justified the Vice-Chancellor via the Monash twitter handle. “This trade is a positive step towards our pride as a university and shows just how much we value individuality. I doubt there’s another card like this one in the world.”

Indeed, it seems the government has really pulled out all the stops on this trade. The first card was a shiny holographic Charizard, rumoured to be one of the first ever made. Students were silenced halfway through their protest to the breaking news when shown the card. Their dazed and confused looks were understandable, as their poorly educated minds could not fully comprehend the magnitude of awesomeness these cards represented. The second card was a Pikachu illustrator card, one of only 4 to exist in the entire world. Having learned about the cards included in the trade, students were reported to have cried tears of pure nostalgia for the revival of their favourite anime show in a trading card game.


Sealed in a clear card holder clearly designed solely for holding valuable cards, the card was confirmed to be genuine by a rather sweaty man. The man was verified by the government as a hardcore nerd and, as such, was the only credible source of authenticity regarding the cards. He examined it for a full two hours, covering the colouring, paper quality and font layout before finally achieving a nerd-gasm when describing the picture by spilling Mountain Dew all over his pants.


The academic board has affirmed that obtaining the trading cards is a strategic move to garner more attention for the university and field more students to study under their wing. Naturally, students found yet another cause for complaint in this plan, asking how the university was planning on accommodating such an increase in the student body.


No immediate response was given by the board, but it was reported that a plan was in motion for broad-shouldered men to forcefully pack more students into tutorial sessions. No further plans have been mentioned.


Additional rumours have been circulating that the Vice-Chancellor plans to trade the cards for the University of Melbourne’s Yu-Gi-Oh decks.

Joey Yang